small steps

I’m having quite a great day, despite being quite tired. I am really quite proud of myself today.

So, someone’s actions this week led me to believe that they were going to tell me something sad. Well, even if it is just sad to me. Really, it’s a positive thing for them. I ended up asking about it today, and they told me what I was expecting. Now, even though I expected it, I still knew I’d be sad to have it confirmed, so in the few minutes after I found out, I excused myself and went and took a shower, quite the nice place to think and go over things.

The emotion was much stronger than I expected it, and I have a hard time dealing with such strong emotion. I still tried to deal with it. I went from multiple stages of emotion. My first inclination is to figure out a way to turn my sad emotions into something different, like anger, sly, revengeful, etc. Well, I had some thoughts pop up of throwing it back at my friend, but I immediately dismissed them. Even as sad as I was, I still was able to push them out quite quickly. So, even though I antagonized about it, I was still in a stage where I was in confusion and my mind was racing trying to fix this problem. I ended up crying for just a moment, while shaving (which isn’t recommended, by the way. Shaving your face being unable to see isn’t the smartest thing). Well, I had said good bye to him for the day because I wouldn’t have a chance to talk to him for the rest of the day and even though there was a little bit of time after getting ready, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle it.

After sitting down, eating breakfast, I decided that I wanted to talk to him some more, so I did. Well, I held my tongue and didn’t say what I was thinking. It’s not so much that I would have said something hurtful, but I would have said something that would have made him really curious, then I would have told him how sad I was, but instead I told him that I’d be strong. At that point, all negative emotion left, kind of like a blanket being lifted off of me.

It may seem like no big deal to anyone but me, but the fact that I was able to get over something in such a short time (about 30 min) and without any crutches was awesome! How could I not be happy with myself? ^_^

Not to mention that when I sang my solo in choir, Dr. St. Pierre acted astonished that I could do it so well! And I got multiple complements on it! ^_^

I also got word through Ms. Prof. Roulet from my old cello teacher! She said that she’s glad that I won the concerto competition and that she wished me the best. I miss Joan. She rocked.

Anyway, despite my cello lesson being cancelled and me being an overly emotional person, I’m having a great day! I haven’t even had caffeine and I’ve been really tired. Life is quite wonderful!

Having such a wonderful boyfriend makes it all the better! <3