A new beginning

So, this abandoned blog is being transformed to something a little more useful to me.

I've been wanting to go to a Gym for a while and really strongly for the last month. Work has been really hard lately, and it has been hard living as far as how I have been feeling and reacting to life. I think that my especially stressful time at work is what pushed me to actually get a change.

I didn't feel like I could make the change. I was afraid to go to a gym. I'm afraid of failure, so any change seemed insurmountable. I finally broke down and asked Bradin to help me get there. He was also quite excited about our new journey.

Today, Bradin and I went to our local Anytime Fitness and took a tour. It is a small facility, but it seems quite homey and not too big or out of control. I really want some time with a trainer there, which they said comes with the membership. We decided to have a trial period to help with our decision, but I'm pretty sure that we'll end up there.

My plan is to go work out first thing on my 3 days off. I figure it will give me a good jump off for daily activities and keep me, hopefully, more active at home.

Tonight, I did go down there for 30 min to use the elliptical just to get over the anxiety that I have. And it is a hard anxiety. I'm filled with a lot of doubts and fears regarding many aspects of my life, but especially the health part of my life. While there, I weighed myself, and I'm sitting at 270 lbs. Far to heavy- I'm hoping to, at some point, get to 200 lbs. We will see.

I'm hoping that this new journey will get myself to have more energy, feel better about myself- which will help all of my relationships, and feel empowered to deal with all that life brings to me.

I still fear that my insecurities won't allow me to continue; the asking for help at the gym, feeling inadequate in front of others at the gym, and letting myself fail because it could be easier.

I need to focus on improving my diet along with working out. I need to get my weight down so that I can feel better and not kill my joints. It will also improve my level of life.

I love what this new journey could bring to my life. I just pray that I'll be able to keep going and that I will succeed. I love these ideas and what this could mean for me.

I'm not going to volunteer this information, my little blog, to the entire world. Maybe a few things for a few people. I want this to be for me. My only consern about not sharing it with the world is that I'm doing it because I'm afraid that I will fail. I still think that it can be a positive thing, however, because hopefully people will see results and I won't have to announce it to the world.

Good luck, myself.